By Amanda Votto
We all struggle with feelings of unworthiness. Perhaps it is our one universal lesson in this lifetime to discover our worth. I believe that we all come into this world with a sense of wholeness and for many reasons (some which we may never understand), this sense escapes us. Although our wholeness never really leaves us, the true knowing can elude us and so we may look for it in many places- relationships, career, physical appearance, money. Once we have exhausted our external search, we may find the courage to look within.
This week, I have had a few interactions with friends that are all struggling with this same fear. I realized that it is not just them but all of us. I began to reflect on how to regain that sense of inherent worthiness? It is not something that we can read about, wish for, or mantra all day “I am worthy.” This I know to be true (at least for me)- in order to reclaim our worth, we must first encounter all that stands in the way.
It wasn’t that long ago that I suffered from (at times debilitating) self-doubt and unworthiness. No matter how put together everything may seem on the outside, if the inside is full of fear and doubt, it doesn’t matter. So the inward journey begins. In order to “find” our sense of worth, we must first encounter everything that stands in the way. This is the challenging part. We begin to regain a sense of wholeness through action. When we step out of our comfort zone, we face our inner fears. Fear of not being enough, fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, fear of not being in control and the list goes on. See this is what lies in the way of our sense of wholeness.
With bravery and kindness toward ourselves, we meet these feared parts. Making room for fear to “just be.” This requires us to not run away from it, not wish it weren’t there, not wonder when we won’t feel it anymore- simply allowing it space to be for however long it decides to stay. It is with the fear, that we must still act and it is this very step that removes layer by layer the barriers that have been covering up our sense of wholeness.
Our sense of wholeness is regained every time we:
Speak up for ourselves no matter how afraid we may be.
Say no to something that we don’t want to do no matter how disappointed another may be.
Ask for help when we need it.
Own up when we are wrong.
Teach a class when we are full of self-doubt.
Say I love you even if when we are scared to be vulnerable.
Leave a job when we know we have outgrown it.
Write a blog even when our inner voice tells us that we aren’t a good writer.
Participate in class even when we are afraid to speak up.
Sign up for the training that we know is what our heart desires.
Tell a trusted friend our fear.
The list goes on and is different for all of us. Our sense of worth requires courage. We must take the risk of failing, the risk of being vulnerable, and the risk of losing it all. It is in the face of fear, that we meet ourselves, come home and relish in our wholeness.
We don’t need to take massive leaps and risks. One small action at a time creates the momentum. Welcome in the fear, take the step and rise to your truth.